Can't face the dark without You
by XxZessxX
Summary: Two weeks ago Dean went to hell. Sam suffers so much without him. Now he sits in some bar, getting himself drunk and the nice bartender Mia make Sam talk about it. Before he notice he talk to her about his beloved Dean. Can talking help? OS. Established Realtionship SLASH. Wincest (Dean/Sam)


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural but this Story is comletely mine :)**_

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**Can't face the dark without You**

It's been almost two weeks.

Two weeks since Sam saw how hellhounds torn his beloved brother into pieces. Since they left him on the floor of that damn house in the suburbs. Bloody, hurt, dead.

Two weeks of pure pain for Sam. Pain, tears, cries and more tears and pain.

If he didn't felt his heart beading in his chest he would have thought someone had ripped it out of him. At least it felt like it.

When Dean died, his heart went with him. When Sam saw the live leaving those beautiful green eyes… he knew he wasn't himself anymore.  
He lost himself. He was all alone. A broken man.

Now he was sitting in some bar at the counter. He just drunk his third or what Whiskey. Actually it could be the fifth but he didn't mind it.

Since he held his dead brother in his arms his mind was on autopilot. He was acting like a zombie and he knew it but he didn't care at all.

Even Bobby couldn't get through to him. His mind was with Dean so was his heart. His body just worked on his own.  
The woman behind the counter came to him. Refilling his glass.

"Hey sweety. You ain't looking good", she watched him. That guy was handsome. Tall with a well-trained body but he looked horrible. Since one hour he sat there not moved one inch. Well only to raise the glass to his mouth and drink. This was his fourth one. He still looked at the counter top as if he was searching something and didn't find it.

"Feeling worse" he said with harsh voice. Sounded like he hadn't used it a lot recently. The first time he raised his head and looked at her.

Yeah, he definitely looked like crap she thought. Huge shadows under his red eyes. If she had to guess she'd say he had cried the whole night.

"What's wrong?" she was barkeeper and listen to the problems of people was her job.

He just shook his head. Sam was in no mood to talk and the last thing he wanted to talk about was Dean.

Dean was in his dreams. Every night. And every time he closed his eyes he saw Deans pretty green ones and how the light went out of them. It hurt just to think of it. The worst feeling ever.

"Hey sweety. No one's here so we have a lot of time" she grabbed a glass and pour herself a drink. Sam looked around. She was right the bar was pretty empty. He hadn't realized it when he came in.

"I'm Mia by the way and you?" she'd make little steps sooner or later everybody talked to her.

"Sam" he stared into the glass in his hands. But still Mia could see that his eyes looked dead. He had brown puppy eyes but there was no glow, no light in them.

"So Sam… May I guess? Lovesick" she saw how he twitched a little bit.

"I see. It's always love… or money. Or worse… both. Talking can help" she still looked at him and he still kept his head down.

But then, she already thought he wouldn't react at all, he shook his head. Then said "No. Not really but kind of."

Sam couldn't believe that he admitted he wasn't alright.

"Brocken heart then?" he closed his eyes and grabbed the Whiskey stronger.

"Don't you want to tell me? Looks like you could use someone nice to listen" her voice was gentle. Sam thought about it.

Maybe she was right? He heard talking helped. Hell, he even forced Dean to talk about his feelings so he should give it a shot at least.

"Two weeks ago I…" he started and grabbed the amulet. Deans amulet.

"The love of my life died. Right in front of me" Sam could feel tears rise in him but he fought them down.

The women suck her breath in. "Oh sweety… I'm so sorry for you". That was more than she had imagined.

"What was her name?"

"His name was Dean" he said with a low voice.

"You two known each other for long?" she had some people seen before this guy but no one had looked this horrible and broken.

"My whole life" he admitted.

Now that was hard. "You must have had a really strong bond"

He nodded and looked at her. "He was my family. My whole life. My best friend. My home. The only one I had."

Mia knew she had to go slow at this. Step by step. And to admit she was curious about the whole story.

"You knew him your whole life? How came that?"

"He was like a big brother to me. Always protected me and took care of me." Sam knew he hadn't really answered her question but he continued.

"The first time he saved me he was only four and carried me out of a burning house. Since then he was always around me. He lived with me and my dad since that day and my dad had a lot of work to do… But Dean was always there. He practically raised me" when his voice started to shiver he stopped.

He looked down again. Drank his Whiskey.

A minute long they stayed quiet. She waited for him to continue.

"We were never separate. Only when I went to college. I didn't saw him a long time, not even talked to him" suddenly he smiled a short moment. "One night he broke into the apartment of me and my girlfriend. Said he needed my help and I had to go with him immediately. It was like in our old days as children. We trusted each other blind and without hesitation. It was like we have never been apart."

"Did you go with him?" she grabbed two beers and placed one in front of him. He had enough Whiskey.

"Yeah, of course. I helped him and when I came back… our apartment burned. My girlfriend died in there. Only Dean kept me from running into it and kill myself. Only Dean knew me enough to see how hard it was for me to lose her. He talked to me over and over again in his own way and helped me through it" he took a sip. Didn't mind that it was beer. Alcohol was alcohol.

She did the same. Thinking about what he said. That sounded like a real deep connection. It must be hard to lose somebody that close.  
"After that I joined him on his road trip. Through the whole country, meeting people helping them. Saving them"

She interrupted him "Save them?" but he just shook his head. No, Sam was not telling her about his job or any kind of monster-thing. Better for her and for him. Well if it still was his job. He wasn't sure about that. Hunting reminded him to much of Dean but Dean would want him to go on. To life on but hell…

He just couldn't face the dark without him.

Sam felt… left behind.

"How long do you were a couple?" she asked instead.

He shrugged. "Don't really know. One and a half year maybe" he guessed. Everyday together and you don't care about dates. Dean and himself didn't count time in days really. More in hunts.

It looks like their conversation was good for him. He still looked like crap but it also was like his soul was getting lighter.  
Sam had to admit that it wasn't that bad to talk about Dean. It hurt like hell but this way he thought about the good times and not only about the bad.

He run his hand over his face and took a deep breath. "Fuck! I miss him like hell" he could do nothing to prevent his voice from breaking. He didn't want to cry, not now.

It broke her heart to see this poor guy like this. She could not imagine what it was like to lose a person so important for you.

"What's this?" she pointed at the hand with which Sam grabbed Dean's amulet.

"It was his" he showed it to her. "I was six or so and it was Christmas. My father had to work and couldn't make it but Dean tried his best to pretend Dad passed by so I would have a nice Christmas. He stole a little tree and presents for me. Sadly he managed to steel only girl presents." He smiled and so did she. "He apologized but I wasn't mad or anything at him. Looking back, it shows how important I was to him. I gave this to him and since that day he never took it off. He always treat it like the most valuable treasure…" he hid it back in his hand. That was it to him too. His little treasure.

"Sounds like you were meant for another" she honestly thought that. How could destiny be so cruel and part a man with such a pure heart like Sam from his lover? There was no explanation for it.

"Me and Dean against the rest of the world" She said nothing at this, he took another sip.

"What was he like?" Now he smiled and according to his view he was far away.

"He was the best person I know. Always. He was strong and confident, protective and stubborn as hell. He was loving, even if he didn't want anyone to know that. He fought for what he loved… for me. He hated being vulnerable or showing people that he was in pain or need. He was a fighter. The hero of my childhood. I looked up to him. He played the macho but his heart was out of pure love. He had a sensible and romantic core. He hated emotional moments, chick-flick moment. He always said it was girls think to talk about feelings. He was really handsome. He was great with kids, they trusted him without thinking. I think they sensed that he had a pure heart. He could fix up everything. He repaired his car more than once. He trusted his intuition more than facts and was the most time right with that. He was a man of acting. And he had a huge childish side… and the most beautiful green eyes on earth…" Sam saw Mia's warming smile and noticed that he got in raptures about Dean. But hey, who wouldn't.

Mia laughed a little bit. "He sounds like good catch. And you like a teenager in love" she joked. And he laughed at it, still looked sad but hey.

He seemed to open up to her. She noticed one thing. When Sam talked about his Dean then a little glow came back in his eyes. They sparkled.

"You must love him really much", that was no question, it was an observation. She sounded sure about it.

"I love him more than my own life. I'd sacrificed everything for him. I'd died for him. Sold my soul and gone through hell just to safe him... and so was he", his harsh voice broke again. His brown eyes began to fill with tears.

It was the most honest declaration of love she ever heard. And she heard more than a few.

He looked like a beaten up puppy to her who searches a place where he belonged to. She sighed and took a huge sip from her beer.

"If you don't mind me asking… How did he died?"

It took him long to answer that. Did he want her to know that? But he told her already so much. How much could he tell her? As much as possible he decided. No half things.

When he decided to talk he could no longer hold the tears back. They run down his cheeks but he did nothing to wipe them away.

With his head in his hands, looking down and eyes closed he answered her. "He died to safe me. A year ago I was in huge trouble. Nearly died. He worked things out for me, helped me. As he always has and will. I didn't wanted him to do it but he was so stubborn. When he told me what he did he said couldn't lose me. There was no way back and hell… I tried everything possible to safe him but didn't succeed. Two weeks ago…" Sam broke up and sobbed.

It maybe was embarrassing for a grown up man to cry in public but right now he didn't gave a shit. And what? Everyone in this bar could see him crying and sobbing like a little boy. As if that matters. He lost Dean, his big brother, his family, his lover, has best friend, his partner, his… god, he could imagine another hundreds of names for Dean.

There was no one left. He lost everyone important to him. His whole family left him behind.

He know they weren't the one to blame but that was exactly how he felt, left behind. Buy his mom, even by dad but most of all by Dean. He had preferred to die instead of Dean but he knew Dean thought the same. They belong to each other and needed each other so desperately. It was really unhealthy but when has love ever been a walk through a park on a Sunday afternoon?

Especially in their world? They were like targets. No, not like, they were targets. Targets for everything that was evil. The evil chased after them since he was born. So matter-of-factly he was the one to blame!

God he felt so pathetic. He was so pathetic!

It was completely his fault that he would never see these beautiful green eyes again. Never feel that unshaved but still kind of soft cheek against his palm. Never hear that voice which send shiver down his spine and goose bumps across his arms. Never kiss these passionate, full and awesome tasting lips again. Never fall asleep with this calming heartbeat next to his ear. Never awake in this comforting warmth or in these strong, safe arms.

"…it was time to pay his debt. He saw it coming, me too… I couldn't do anything to safe him. Just stand there and watching this horrible death."

Now it was proven. Screw "Romeo and Juliet" this one was far beyond them!

But it also sound like an really mysterious death. Did the both were in some trouble and on had to pay for it? Were they criminals? Before she could think about it a second longer Sam continued.

"I… I wake up be-because I dreamed of that. Normally if I have a nightmare he would hug me and comforting me till I am alright and then force me to sleep and watch over me. He did this since we were kids. I can't get myself to drive his car. He loved it and don't even let me drive it if he wasn't complete exhausted. Every time I hear classic rock I have to prevent myself from crying because it's his favorite music a-and… he more than one time tried to annoy me with it because he knew I hate it. He used to say I'm the only one who can sleep comfortably with Motörhead or Led Zeppelin screaming through the car. In motels I order the wrong room because my whole life I was never alone in one. I miss his awful food habits. How he talks while eating something. I can't even look at pie without missing him like hell. I miss everything about him hi-his bad jokes, our fighting, his singing in the car, how he treats his car more like his girlfriend and not like a thing, how he is overprotective about me…" till the end he sounded more and more desperate, hurt and lonely. He sounds so lonely. Like a lost child who is looking for someone to love him, to protect him.

"I understand that you must feel really lonely-"

"I'm feeling FUCKING LONELY!" he hid his face in his hands. He stopped crying and wiped away the tears as good as possible. He showed enough weakness to this stranger. Even though he still felt like crying.

The bartender continued as if Sam has never interrupted her. "-but I'm sure he is at a better place now!"

Sam throw her a death glance and snorted. "The hell he is. Literally. Trust me I know where he is and is no fucking heaven with rainbow puking unicorns. He is not in some nice place he is in the worst place that ever existed. I don't want to know trough what torture he is going right in this moment. FUCK! It would be easier if I knew he would be safe but he isn't because of me. And I won't stop until I tried everything to get him back. I know there must be a way!"

Not really realizing the last words he said with harsh but steady voice he stood up, throwing some bills next to his half empty beer and headed out the door.

There must be some way to get Dean back and even if it would kill him he would safe Dean!

Without a word Mia cleaned Sam's place. His last words sound like he lost his sanity but he was so secure about it that she believed him in some way.

And there was one thing she knew for sure: She just heard the greatest and saddest love story of mankind.

**THE END**

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**A/N: I saw some videos with Sam and Dean and then this little story hit me. I think this is the saddest thing I ever wrote! Normally I'm more romantic but I definitely like this.**

**I hope you enjoyed reading and leave your review so I know what you think :)**


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